Benefits to ending a toxic relationship
If letting go of a bad relationship is hard for you to do, it’s understandable. But there are benefits to ending a toxic relationship. People get caught in them all the time and sometimes with no way out. Or at least they see no way to get out. Or they choose to stay in for various reasons.
Sometimes there is violence and sometimes just anger and mental abuse. But, either way, if your relationship is taking a toll. You need to have a serious look at it and make some decision to get out.
I am no relationship expert by any means or a counselor, but I’ve had experiences in some terrible and upsetting relationships, and these are my thoughts.
I urge you if there is violence to get out before it’s too late. And seek the help of a qualified counselor who can help you get away and get back your life. Also, if it’s awful, you may have to call the police.
Take Time To Clear Your Head
Often when we are in the middle of everything, we cannot see what is going on around us. Or what’s happening directly in front of us? Its why you may need to get away and clear your head and have time to think about things seriously.
It doesn’t matter if it’s for an hour or two or even a whole day, but you have to take this time for yourself and think about why you are in this relationship that’s so bad.
Write Down The Pros & Cons
Here’s something you could try. Take out any sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side add the word pros and on the other hand and the word cons. Then begin writing down all the good and bad things about your relationship.
If the bad outweighs the good, then you pretty much have all the reasons to leave this relationship. It’s just a matter of putting things into action.
But take the time to look over your list and think about each one of the things you wrote. Does it make sense? I’m sure if you remember long enough, you will be able to see just how bad things are.
Be Honest With Yourself
One thing people have a hard time doing it, really being real and honest with themselves. Along the way during your relationship you might have sought out some advice and people may have told you what they thought. Did you take their advice?
Was the person you were seeking help from a professional who has spot-on advice?
Well, now is the time to really think about that and what they said. Don’t take it lightly either. If most of your friends are telling you they are worried about you, these might just be an excellent reason.
Look At The Relationship History
You may have been with this person for years already or maybe even just six months. It’s time to take a look at what has happened during the relationship. Were the police involved and if so how many times?
Did violence and or any nasty fights happen ever?
If you sit down to take the time and think about some of these bad things that happened, this may be what you need to convince yourself.
Seek Professional Help
One thing many people never take the time to do when they are in something horrible is finding a good professional counselor who is qualified to help you.
It is also true; you may have to spend some time searching for the right one to help. Often I have heard some people have tried one had a bad experience and never went back.
But you have to spend time looking for the right one. Also, if you cannot afford one, then you may need to find one who will let you make payments and will work with you.
Also, understand, just because someone is a counselor and helping others, they are not immune to problems themselves. Its why you might need to keep on searching.
If You Leave The Relationship
If you have finally left the relationship you were in, you will need time to learn how to coup with things. There are many books online that can help you during this time.
You always have to remember these are five stages of grief and you will experience these after you left. It’s ok it’s perfectly reasonable to be upset at times. You have to remember you have gone through something that was very bad. And, these things take time, sometimes a reasonable amount of time.
The 5 Stages Of Grief
Everyone will experience these five stages when leaving a relationship. For some, they may be worse than others.
These five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each one of these has something about it most people will feel during this time.
If you take the time to learn more about each one of these stages, this may help you in understanding yourself a little better. There is nothing wrong with taking the time to learn about how our mind works.
If You Become Depressed
If you start having any depression, one of the things you can do is be around good people. It may be a good friend you have known for years, or it could be your family. Whatever it is you do, just try and be around positive people who will uplift you and help you through this sad time.
There is no sense in isolating yourself and becoming even more depressed. You have to stay busy at a time like this. Find your favorite hobby or pick up tasks you left of doing a while ago. Whatever it is to try and do something that will get your mind off of things.
Seek Out Forums Or Help Online
There are many places you can go online these days and find people who have been in the same thing you’ve been. Sometimes this helps, to hear from people who know what you are talking about.
Usually, a dating site is not the place to go. There are actual help forums and communities online which are run by a qualified counselor or people to help you. It may be right for you to take the time and write something about your experience in one of these places.
Just be careful online, however. Not everything is always safe or suitable for you. Use your best judgment before signing up for anything on the internet.
There are also many qualified people who have chosen to help others with their websites or blogs. It helps sometimes reading these.
An example is Dr Tara Palmatier and here website dedicated to helping men who were and are in bad relationships. On her site, she writes many articles devoted to helping men who might need the help. She also offers services over the phone if needed. But, just reading her website can help many guys in trouble.
There are also places you can call and speak to a real counselor and pay by the minute. It can also be beneficial for many people going through a horrible relationship.
It’s not always a direct, quick fix and over the phone counseling may not work for everyone but, the options are available for this type of help.
Go Easy On Yourself
Many times after just getting out of a bad relationship we can be very hard on ourselves. Why did I do that? Why was I with the person?
Stop asking yourself these questions, you are only human, and we all make mistakes. No one is perfect. There is no need to beat yourself up over these things.
We stay in a relationship for one reason, or another and hope can be a very bright candle. Sometimes we are codependent or other times its just bad judgment.
Whatever it may be, allow yourself time to heal and realize this mistake is in the past now and things will bet better day by day.
Now You Know What To Look For
One of the best things about your whole experience is, in the future, you will know what to look out for the next time it happens. You will now know what the red flags are also.
This can help you make more informed decisions in the future, and you don’t have to go through the same thing you just went through.
Use Tools For Help
Shouting out loud over and over daily can help you. Its a standard tool psychologist use to help their clients. Speaking in a mirror to yourself, are positive things. Sounds silly, but no one is looking while you are alone. Maybe give it a shot for a few weeks and see what the outcome can be.
Getting out of any lousy relationship can take time. It can also take time to get over what you may have just left even. So, these are our tips for help while you are in a bad relationship or just got out.
We know it can be hard for anyone to coup with their feelings during this rough time. Hopefully, this article will help in some way.