If letting go of a bad relationship is hard for you to do, it’s understandable. People get caught in them all the time and sometimes with no way out. Or at least they see no way to get out. Or they choose to stay in for various reasons.
Sometimes there is violence and sometimes just anger and metal abuse. But, either way, if your relationship is taking a toll on your life you need to have a serious look at it and make some kind of decision to get out.
I am no relationship expert by any means or a counselor, but I’ve had experiences in some really bad and upsetting relationships and these are my thoughts.
I urge you, if there is violence to get out before it’s too late. And seek the help of a qualified counselor who can help you get away and get back your life. Also, if it’s really bad you may have to call the police.
Take Time To Clear Your Head
Often times when we are in the middle of everything we cannot see what is really going on around us. Or what’s happening directly in front of us. This is why you may need to get away and clear your head and have time to seriously think about things.
It doesn’t matter if it’s for an hour or two or even a whole day but you have to take this time for yourself and think about why you are in this relationship that’s so bad.
Write Down The Pros & Cons
Here’s something you could try. Take out any sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side add the word pros and on the other side and the word cons. Then begin writing down all the good and bad things about your relationship.
If the bad out weighs the good, then you pretty much have all the reasons to leave this relationship. It’s just a matter of putting things into action.
But really take the time to look over your list and think about each one of the things you wrote. Does it make sense? I’m sure if you think long enough, you will be able to see just how bad things really are.
Be Honest With Yourself
One thing people have a hard time doing is, really being true and honest with themselves. Along the way during your relationship you might have sought out some advice and people may have told you what they thought. Did you take their advice?
Was the person you were seeking help from a professional who have you spot on advice?
Well, now is the time to really think about that and what they said. Don’t take it lightly either. If most of your friends are telling you they are worried about you, these might just be a very good reason.
Look At The Relationship History
You may have been with this person for years already or maybe even just six months. It’s time to take a look at what has happened during the course of the relationship. Were the police involved and if so how many times?
Did violence and or any really bad fights happen ever?
If you really sit down to take the time and think about some of these bad things that happened, this may be really what you need to convince yourself.
Seek Professional Help
One thing many people never take the time to do when they are in something really bad is find a good professional counselor who is qualified to help you.
It is also true, you may have to spend some time searching for the right one to help. Often times I have heard some people have tried one, had a bad experience and never went back.
But you have to spend time looking for the right one. Also, if you cannot afford one, then you may need to find one who will let you make payments and will work with you.
Also, understand, just because someone is a counselor and helping others, they are not immune to problems themselves. This is why you might need to keep on searching.
If You Leave The Relationship
if you have finally left the relationship you were in, you will need time to learn how to coup with things. There are many books online that can help you during this time.
You have to always remember these are 5 stages of grief and you will experience these after you left. It’s ok it’s perfectly normal to be upset at times. You have to remember you have gone through something that was very bad. And, these things take time, sometimes a good amount of time.
The 5 Stages Of Grief
Everyone will experience these 5 stages when leaving a relationship. For some they may be worse than others.
These 5 stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Each one of these has something about it most people will feel during this time.
If you take the time to learn more about each one of these stages this may help you in understanding yourself a little better. These is nothing wrong with taking the time to learn about how our mind works.
If You Become Depressed
If you start having any type of depression one of the things you can do is be around good people. This may be a good friend you have known for years or it could be your family. What ever it is you do, just try and be around positive people who will up lift you and help you through this bad time.
These is no sense in isolating yourself and becoming even more depressed. You have to stay busy at a time like this. Find your favorite hobby or pick up tasks you left of doing a while ago. Whatever it is try and do something that will get your mind off of things.
Seek Out Forums Or Help Online
There are many places you can go online these days and find people who have been in the same thing you’ve been in. Sometimes this helps, to hear from people who know what you are talking about.
Usually a dating site is not the place to go. There are actual help forums and communities online which are run by qualified counselor or people to help you. It may be good for you to take the time and write something about your experience in one of these places.
Just be careful online however. Not everything is always safe or good for you. Use your best judgement before signing up for anything on the internet.
There are also many qualified people who have chosen to help others with their websites or blogs. It helps sometimes reading these.
An example is Dr Tara Palmatier and here website dedicated to helping men who were and are in bad relationships. On her site, she writes many articles dedicated to helping men who might need the help. She also offers services over the phone if needed. But, just reading her website can help many guys in trouble.
There are also places you can call and speak to a real counselor and pay by the minute. This can also be very helpful for many people going through a very bad relationship.
it’s not always a direct quick fix and over the phone counseling may not work for everyone but, the options are available for this type of help.
Go Easy On Yourself
Many times after just getting out of a bad relationship we can be very hard on ourselves. Why did I do that? Why was I with the person?
Stop asking yourself these questions, you are only human and we all make mistakes. No one is perfect. There is no need to beat yourself up over these things.
We stay in a relationship for one reason or another and hope can be a very bright candle. Sometimes we are codependent or other times it’s just bad judgement.
Whatever it may be, allow yourself time to heal and realize this mistake is in the past now and things will bet better day by day.
Now You Know What To Look For
One of the best things about your whole experience is, in the future you will know exactly what to look out for. You will now know what the red flags are also.
This can help you make more informed decisions in the future, and you don’t have to go through the same thing you just went through.
Use Tools For Help
Shouting out loud over and over daily can actually help you. This is a common tool psychologists use to help their clients. Speaking into a mirror positive things is another one. Sounds silly, but no one is looking while you are alone. Maybe give it a shot for a few weeks and see what the outcome can be.
Getting out of any bad relationship can take time. It can also take time to get over what you may have just left also. So, these are our tips for help while you are in a bad relationship or just got out.
We know it can be hard for anyone to coup with their feelings during this rough time. Hopefully this article will help in some way.